I mentioned before I have some homeschool mom guilt that I am not homeschooling my oldest through high school. There are many factors that lead to our decision to send our son to public high school, but I’ve come to realize there were a few failures on my end too. I feel it’s important to share them as I can see them a bit more clearly now. I’m also using these tips to keep homeschooling my middle school once high school rolls around.
- Time Management Skills
- Good Study Habits
- Excitement for Learning
- New Teachers
- Slowly Give Freedom
- Preteen Moodiness / Sass
Time Management Skills. It’s hard to teach time management skills when they’re not a parent’s best skill set. Once we started middle school co-ops and homework entered our little homeschool world many things changed. Homework was put off until the last minute which lead to me becoming the enraged homework checker. Any angry mom does not make a fun homeschool environment. I wish I would have made sure the things that needed to get done got done and there was little waiting until the last minute. That’s just a useful life skill.
Good Study Habits. Once middle school required graded tests I assumed the weekly work was being used as study resources. Surely the assigned readings were enough. The activities during the (ahem) paid school classes would ensure a mastery of subject content. Failed tests stacked up as I slowly realized my son was not mastering content during the week and he did not know how to “study”. He did not know to highlight key words. He did not know how to make vocabulary flash cards. He didn’t know he had to take notes. Our world of play and discovery turned “school at home” serious seemed to change overnight and my homeschooler was not ready for things I took for granted that I learned in public school. Hey mom! Teach your children HOW TO STUDY before they have to study !
Excitement for Learning. How can this possibly be a failure? Homeschool is so much fun … until middle school decimals and fractions try to ruin the day. Essays invade picnics and science readings run just a bit too long. I was not prepared for middle school co-ops and mandatory parent meetings about 5 Year High School Plans. We went from hands-on learning fun to serious school work in a blink of an eye and the excitement for learning quickly faded. The hands-on activities faded as writing assignments flooded subjects.
New Teachers. The co-op scene is awesome, but we were attending a “private homeschool” accredited by the state. Which meant a real teacher taught the material on Monday, homework was assigned for 3 days, and then the real teacher tested and covered the material again on Friday. I was no longer in control of curriculum choices, assignments, tests, and eventually lost authority as the homeschool teacher. I was downgraded to homework checker and carpool lady.
This system is beautiful for busy moms, less confident moms, and moms who just want someone else to teach yet keep to a homeschool environment. I have nothing against the system, but I hated giving up my control as homeschool mom.
Example. A book was assigned for class. My son had already read that book. I asked the teacher if he could read a different book with the same theme. I received a very long angry email explaining how much time and effort she put into her book lists and how they’ve been “good enough” for the last 10 years. And, no, he could not read another book for the assignment. It sure didn’t feel like I was the homeschool teacher any longer. So whenever I did try to assert some homeschool lesson or recommendation at home – my own child shut me down, because “my teacher wants me to do this …”. I was becoming less and less engaged in the learning process and I didn’t like it.
Slowly Give Freedom. As easy as it is to set up online courses and live classes – be sure to remain involved. Since “all the 8th graders” had desks in their bedrooms I put a desk in my son’s room. I was so focused on my youngest’s delayed fine motor skills and slow reading that I left my extroverted teen alone to finish his work. He didn’t finish assignments, he lied about studying, and he was not yet ready for that freedom of independent learning like some of his peers. This was definitely a heart issue, but I glossed over it too quickly and never really got to the root of the issue.
Preteen Moodiness & Sass. He started crying. Real tears. I had no idea why. I didn’t understand. I asked. He had no idea why. He just wanted to cry. Then came the back talk and attitude. Sarcasm. I was not prepared for preteen moodiness. The complaining. The know-it-all, you’re-no-longer-cool moments. I was not prepared for hungriness to interrupt assignments. I was not prepared for afternoon naps. Instead I pressed through lessons, tears and all, until we both were hating homeschool.
I do not believe homeschooling is for everyone. Hubs & I are sure we made the right decision for where we were at in that moment. However, if I would have done a few extra things we might never have gotten to that point. I’m thankful I can look back without regret but awareness for my next son – so we can continue to homeschool him through high school. And maybe some of those things will not sneak up and surprise us. I’m sure it will be something completely different.
I hope my soon to be middle school homeschool friends read this post. I was not prepared for middle school. I was not prepared for co-ops. I was not prepared for preteen moodiness and attitudes. I’m praying and hopeful I’m more prepared the second time around! And maybe just maybe our experience will help another homeschool family.
For what it’s worth, I do have a great relationship with my oldest. Had we not sent him to public school and I died on the homeschool alter, I don’t think I would be able to say the same thing.