Every once and awhile I need to step back from the phone. Put it down, turn it off, and forget I have one. That thing can suck the minutes right from a day and keep my head angled down rather than up and available. Putting the phone down over the weekends has given me some time to enjoy my children and give them the first part – rather than a cold leftover.
As we raise teenage boys now I am even more certain that quality time matters. We are seeing the difference between proximity time and quality time.
There is a big difference! We are watching families crumble under the pressure of real life situations outside of church and homeschool bubbles because parents handed over devices and television remotes instead of their precious time.
I was born a cheerleader and I’m here to do that. I am here because quality time matters and if I do not say that to you… I just might burst. We have to believe it. Even through the eyerolling and “too cool” for family time remarks. Spending time with our kids is what matters most.
The world we live in today doesn’t have time for that selflessness anymore. Yet our children’s hearts still crave it. Our spouse craves it. Our face – to – face – in – the – flesh friendships crave it! We were made for community, not screens.
I get it. I work part-time from home. I need to be on a laptop or phone during the day to answer calls, emails, and brainstorm the next amazing homeschool curriculum sale. So there has to be a balance or I go zero to overtime, quick.
I can easily ignore independent teens while they entertain themselves on the Xbox all day. They’re not needy and vocal as they were when they were little. They can cook. They can entertain themselves. We can get detached fast. But I believe we’re put in a family for a reason. The exact people who drive me absolutely crazy and then warm my heart down to my tippy toes … I’m made for them. They are made for me. Family is a community. A small important, confidence building, safe community. It will thrive when quality time is present. It will just ‘get by’ when proximity time is offered. Getting by doesn’t come home for Thanksgiving. Getting by doesn’t call for a spontaneous lunch. Getting by isn’t enough.
I don’t want your family to just get by when there are such easy things we as parents can do to implement quality time.
Plan & schedule: movie night, board game night, dates (yes, date your kids), walks, outdoor games, family getaways, cooking together, reading together – engaging each other! I’m not kidding, set a date on calendars. Make it a commitment.
Engage them. Every night at dinner we ask one question everyone has to answer. “If you had to build the next national monument what would it be?” Or “How would you improve the ice cream sundae?” Silly lighthearted thought provoking questions. Nothing too overpowering about types of friends or the dangers of vaping. Just time engaged with one another.
Be a listener – not a problem solver. My oldest wishes I’d stop trying to ‘fix’ everything and just hear him out. Because sometimes, they just want to express themselves. Some days he needs to hear how ridiculous he sounds. If I cut him off and try to fix it, he misses out on some good absurd lines.
Be available. Don’t just keep scrolling while they’re talking. Put the phone down, turn it over – get it out of sight. If you can’t immediately turn the thing off ask if they don’t mind waiting a minute, or schedule a time when you both can sit down and chat.
Remember: Quality time matters!