Yo ho ho and a bottle of … Tums? I’m sharing our recent “adventure” to Pirate’s Dinner Adventure in Orlando.
I am all up for a good show so I have mixed feelings about Pirate’s Dinner. It wasn’t my first choice, but I thought why not try something new?
We’ve lived in Orlando for 12 years and have never even heard of the place. I was up late one night searching online for reduced Medieval Times tickets when I stumbled upon Groupon’s Pirate’s Dinner. Adults saved $20/ticket, so I thought that was a deal!! The family was ready for fun.
Upon making reservations we were told to show up an hour early because it’s first come first serve seating. I honestly don’t believe there are horrible nose bleed seats. So being obedient rule followers, we showed up 30 minutes early, and that was still too much time. We stood around awkwardly, because they herd you into an open merchandise packed area beside a bar. If this isn’t a red flag that they’re going to bleed you dry of cash and require massive amounts of alcohol to forget it … I don’t know what else would have worked. Hubs paid for an overpriced brew.
Also over the phone I paid an extra kidney to inform them it was our youngest’s 11th birthday. We were told he’d get a scroll & ‘age appropriate gift’. It was a ridiculous top hat with goofy candles.
Why not a sword? There must not be any parents working at Pirate’s Dinner. For the record, 11 is a perfectly age appropriate birthday for a sword! There were 800 of them in the merchandise dungeon. All night long he watched sword fighting, yet he was handed a stupid floppy hat. It did not cost them $12 to order! It wouldn’t have cost them $12 if they had driven to JoAnn’s and knit the ridiculous thing themselves.
Pirate’s Dinner Adventure
I have no other way to break the rest of the night down besides: the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The Good
Holy smokes the stunts were so cool! I’ll give another standing round of applause for those guys who worked their butts off! Literally. If they’re not getting 80% of the ticket sales … they’re getting robbed. You remember Medieval Times for the horse jousting. You remember Pirate’s Dinner for the stunts! My stunt camp “certified” teenager was impressed. He sat on the edge of his chair watching these grown men flip, twist, jump, and swing themselves around the room. The stuntmen were definitely the best part of the whole entire evening.
I almost hesitate to write the rest of this post because the stuntmen deserve much respect and nothing about the evening was better.
The Bad
The story line of the mermaid with legs, the necklace, and the sea monster was difficult to follow and at some points a little annoying for my birthday boy. Just let the Kraken out earlier to eat the chef. Everyone will thank me later. The overall time of the show took way too long for everyone in the family. And we love all things pirate!
But us land-lovers were ready for bed. We were definitely more than ready to go after two hours. They could have completely cut out the part of bringing up the little kids onto the boat and dubbing them honorary Pirates. It’s cute and I appreciate the crowd involvement, but if you only start a Friday show at 7:30 … let’s get to the point.
The Ugly
I realize this is not a five-star restaurant but the food was awful. They can drop ‘Dinner’ and just do the ‘Show’ portion – no one’s stomach would object. And this is coming from a woman who can’t cook. Which, I will never say again because compared to Pirate’s Dinner … momma can cook! I suggest they just order pizza and pass out popcorn.
When you call and make your reservation they ask you if you want the salmon or chicken. Death by sea or death by land. My husband picked salmon and suffered the hot farts belly ache all night.
I picked chicken figuring it would just be grilled, but oh no. It was covered in some beef gravy. I didn’t even try to eat it. Instant mashed potatoes cemented themselves to my plate, so the only good thing about the dish were the carrots. They didn’t completely burn both sides. The boys were given chicken nuggets and soupy macaroni and cheese. Once I saw the noodles swimming around their plate I refused to ask about their meal.
My sugar loving dessert fanatics hated the mystery cakes. Two squares – one dark one light – came out on a plate and the boys dive bombed into disappointment. When children can’t explain the flavor of the cakes besides “not good mom, not good” you’ve really hit rock bottom. This might be a first in history that my children have not finished a dessert.
Sadly, More Ugly
The charge, charge, charges started to annoy annoy annoy me, and I’m not a nickel and dime kind of wench. Granted it was a Groupon ticket and I supposedly saved money, so I shouldn’t complain.
Here goes …
When we pulled up parking was six doubloons. Surprise. No one mentioned a parking tax on the phone during reservations. Since this location is on the cheap side of International Drive … We had no other options. By the mercy of Poseidon, we had cash on us.
At the end of our “grub” the server dropped us a suggested tip flyer and let us know that was for his “services”. I ordered online, he just passed out plates. Suggested tip: $5 per adult and $3 per kid. So for us he thought he earned a $16 tip… I’ve worked in plenty o restaurants in my time. Believe you me, that was no $80 meal.
They can definitely stop paying printing on the suggested tip flyers. Give that money to the stuntmen.
Sadly, the place was empty. Only the first two maybe three rows of each color section were filled. You’re supposed to cheer for your colored pirate (we were in purple) and it was just a little embarrassing for a Friday night. I sincerely felt bad for the pirates. Not that my kids were looking behind them counting empty seats, but I know how much stunt camp cost me this past summer. They’re not paying off those headshots. Regardless, they worked up a sweat and really put on a show for a half packed out place. They get a lot of respect from me. I hope they find great jobs, because I don’t think Pirate’s Dinner can compete with the other side of I-Drive.
The best way to wrap up my feelings about the evening is how my husband put it best… Now we know why it’s on Groupon.